


I Like Who I Like

by codepink



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Bisexual Hoseok, Like next to none, M/M, soft confused boys being gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9402977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codepink/pseuds/codepink
Summary: Hoseok thought he might have outgrown his sexuality. In retrospect he knows that’s near impossible but he honestly thought he was only interested in girls now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any errors once again completely unbetaed.

Hoseok thought he might have outgrown his sexuality. In retrospect he knows that’s near impossible but he honestly thought he was only interested in girls now.

In high school he didn’t care whether he dated girls or boys, much to the disdain of those around him. He just liked who he liked and it didn’t matter what others thought.

But since graduating and starting the audition process he’s only ever had interest in females. He didn’t look at guys anymore and he thought maybe his mother’s prayers had come true.

He was okay with only looking at girls. They were pretty and it was socially easier to be with them. He’d hate to know what the other trainees trying to get into the company would think.

==

Hoseok only like girls.

At least that is until Changkyun gets introduced to the group. The atmosphere in the restaurant was beyond awkward as no one wanted a new trainee. 

Everyone ignored him as he sat down and Hoseok could tell he was just uncomfortable. But Changkyun was kind of cute sitting there, eyes trained to the table, picking at his food.

From there it just snowballed for Hoseok. When the final line-up was announced he was both relieved and upset. Upset he had to say goodbye to his friends but excited about getting closer to Changkyun.

Needless to say that wasn’t an easy task at all. Changkyun had enclosed himself in walls that only Jooheon seemed to have been able to dent. Hoseok couldn’t blame him.

He ignored the way the maknae flinched when he walked into a room they were all in. Or the way he always ate last, sitting alone at the table. He recalls when Kihyun had told him it was rude to eat first since they all worked harder.

But slowly some bricks in those walls seem to crumble and Changkyun started to open up. It started with Jooheon and Hyunwoo seeking him out and forcing him to be social with them.

Minhyuk just annoyed the youngest until Changkyun accepted his apology. Hyungwon followed suit but no one knows how he got Changkyun to like him. Probably bought him food or sweets they weren’t suppose to have.

And Kihyun just easily got along with anyone once he gave them a chance. 

Whenever Hoseok tried to get friendly with Changkyun, the maknae seemed to close off again. When Hoseok tried to strike up a conversation the younger would politely walk away with an excuse.

Hoseok didn’t take it personally. He did give off an intimidating vibe, so he’s been told, and maybe Changkyun still feared him. It was disheartening to say the least.

==

Hoseok knew he was screwed when he started having dreams about Changkyun. Dreams of a rather sexual kind and it always made the older feel guilty.

It didn’t help when Changkyun hung all over him during fan meets or live shows. Even if for just a fleeting moment it was still nice. And the feeling of the younger’s hands on him always got him flustered.

It was really becoming a problem. It hurt that Changkyun seemed to not want to get close to Hoseok. He only talked to Hoseok when there were cameras or people around.

Other than that, it’s still awkward silences and even more awkward conversation.

Hoseok didn’t know what to say to the younger to get him to like him. Even in a strictly platonic way would be nice. Just something other than the cold shoulder he’s been getting lately.

So when he sees Changkyun sitting at the table alone in the middle of the night, Hoseok tries to ignore him too. Just walks right past him to open the fridge. 

Hoseok drinks the juice box he got out really slowly. He’s facing away from the youngest but the atmosphere of the room is a little sour. Maybe the younger’s upset.

He doesn’t know how to start a conversation. There’s be nothing stopping Changkyun from just ignoring him. There were no fans or cameras to capture the moment. No one would judge the younger. 

Changkyun lets out a big sigh that sounds extra gravelly given the rapper’s already low voice. He knows as the older he needs to make sure Changkyun’s okay.

So he turns around and flips on the overhead lights. He instantly sees Changkyun cover his eyes from the assault of light. The light hums in the silence.

“Changkyun,” Hoseok starts and coughs to clear his throat. “Are you okay?”

The maknae just stares at him for awhile. He doesn’t open his mouth to say anything, just stares with wide eyes and a bit of a pout. And Hoseok only has one thought.  _Cute_.

Hoseok sighs and resigns himself to sit next to Changkyun at the table. It makes things a bit more intense when Changkyun pulls his arm away from where it almost touched Hoseok’s.

He doesn’t know whether to be offended or concerned or a weird combination of both.

“Look, whatever it is it’s probably best to talk it out.”

But again Changkyun doesn’t seem like he’s going to answer. And Hoseok understands he makes the other uncomfortable but the maknae could at least respect him enough to look at him.

“Look at me.” Hoseok says and there’s bite in it. He doesn’t mean for it to sound like he’s upset, he is a little, but it comes out as such. Probably not the way to go about this.

Changkyun finally does and Hoseok wishes he didn’t. Changkyun’s eyes are red and a little swollen like he’s been crying for awhile. Crying alone in the dark when everyone else was oblivious.

He doesn’t know what possesses him to hug the younger, but he reaches over and pulls Changkyun into his arms. Changkyun yelps, obviously startled, and doesn’t really reciprocate.

“Talk to me, please.” 

Hoseok is so tired of being ignored. It makes him feel guilty for something he can’t remember doing to the youngest. He’s already apologized for everything in the past.

“Hyung, I’m okay.”

“No you’re not. I know you were crying.”

Changkyun sniffled into Hoseok’s shoulder, the older holding him really tightly. 

“I wasn’t.”

“You were. Changkyun just tell me what’s wrong.”

Changkyun just shook his head. “Fine then I’m not letting you go until you do.”

Changkyun tried to pull away but to prove a point Hoseok held on tighter. The more the maknae struggled the tighter he got hugged. Until, Hoseok was practically suffocating him in his arms.

“I could do this all night.”

“Please let me go.”

“Nope.”

No one in the group was as stubborn as Hoseok and he refused to loose to the youngest of them all.  A part of him just wanted to hold Changkyun for as long as possible. At that he realizes he must be really screwed with his feelings for the other.

“Fine. I’m just stressed, let me go now?” Changkyun tried to push away again, to wiggle free but Hoseok’s muscles weren’t just for show. He was the strongest of them all, except maybe Hyunwoo.

“Gotta give me more than that, babe.”

The nickname just slipped out and even Hoseok flinched at it. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He internally screamed at himself, _stupid stupid stupid._

“What did you just call me?” Changkyun asked. His voice sounded different somehow and it was obvious he was just as shocked as Hoseok.

Good thing he can come up with excuses on the spot so well. “Well,you are the youngest aren’t you?” 

“You didn’t call me baby,” Changkyun tried to pull away and Hoseok let him. Changkyun’s cheeks were really rosy and there was a small smile on his lips.

“You called me babe, hyung.”

Like Hoseok wasn’t already aware. He really needs to work on controlling himself better especially around Changkyun. Who he has come to have a great deal of affection for.

“So? I’m not allowed to?”

“I mean you can but you usually call people you’re dating babe.” 

Changkyun laughed and it sounded so genuine, low voice echoing around the empty kitchen. Hoseok didn’t find it funny but he couldn’t stop himself from laughing too.

“We could date, you don’t know.” 

Hoseok just kept on laughing even though Changkyun had stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asked as his laughter died down a bit too.

“You just said we could date. Do you want to date me?”

Changkyun looked so unsure of himself in that moment and it’s the most emotion Hoseok has ever seen the maknae have towards him. But the question, the one that’s been torturing him, took him off guard.

This is what he dreaded and why he kept it all to himself for so long. If he says yes, that it would make him unbelievably happy to date Changkyun, then he risks ruining a good thing.

If he says no, and the younger has even a little bit of feelings for him too, then he still ruins a good thing. He doesn’t want to loose this little connection they have made. And he pouts when he can’t come up with an answer.

So instead he just gets up from the table and leaves, discarding the empty juice box on his way out. He can’t look at the younger and not be able to answer him.

He completely missed the look of dejection on the other’s face.

==

The next days had been extremely weird. Not particularly awkward or anything just different. Especially when Hoseok and Changkyun were in a room together.

Hoseok was the one that was shying away from Changkyun this time. He didn’t want to get close to the younger and still not have an answer for him. Life was unfair.

It was even more unfair when Changkyun would try to get Hoseok to pay attention to him and failing. Hoseok couldn’t even look at him without his stomach swooping and his head spinning.

Everyone else seemed to know something was up too but no one mentioned anything to him at least. He doesn’t know who Changkyun has told about their conversation or who knows anything about Hoseok’s feelings.

Of course Kihyun, the most observant member, noticed.

“Whatever happened you really upset him.” Kihyun says in passing one day in the practice room on his way to talk to Hyunwoo about upcoming promotions.

“What?”

“He was really upset the other night. Wouldn’t say much except it had to do with you.” Kihyun sighed and rubbed his temples like he does when he’s stressed out or tired. “Just fix it.”

But Hoseok didn’t know how to fix it. He had ignored Changkyun so much that now the younger was ignoring him again too. It was an endless cycle.

==

The chance to talk came when they were roomed together at a hotel for a night. 

Changkyun had begged someone to switch with him and it hurt Hoseok a little bit. He was slightly offended that the younger was going extremely out of the way to avoid him now.

But no one wanted to switch so they were stuck together in the small room. At least there was two beds. Changkyun had gotten comfortable on the one closest to the window, facing away from Hoseok.

Hoseok just stared at his back until the silence became too much for him to take.

“Changkyun we need to talk.”

“No we don’t, hyung.”

Hoseok sighed and got off his own bed to walk to Changkyun’s. If the younger wouldn’t talk to him then he’d just have to force him to again.

So this time he laid behind the younger and threw an arm over him. Immediately Changkyun tried to get away but once again Hoseok was too strong.

“Let me go, please.” Changkyun sounded so tired and a tinge of sad.

“Not until we talk.” 

“Fine.”

The conversation halted there as Hoseok still didn’t know what to say. So he started at the beginning of it all with Changkyun.

“I really like you and it scares me. It scares me because I don’t know what to do and say around you anymore. I don’t know why I feel this way, and I feel guilty.”

Hoseok closed his eyes and put his forehead against the back of Changkyun’s neck. The younger tried to speak but Hoseok cut him off, needing to get a lot off his chest.

“I’m not suppose to like you.” He squeezed his eyes shut when they teared up. He hated crying, he really did. But his feelings for the younger were consuming him too quickly.

“I’m suppose to like girls. I thought I only liked girls now. I can’t like you but I do so much and I don’t want to mess up whatever we have or don’t have.”

Hoseok curled closer and Changkyun finally flipped over to face him. Hoseok’s arm tightened around the younger’s waist in case the younger tried to flee again.

“You won’t mess it up.”

“How do you know that?” Hoseok sniffled, trying really hard not to cry.

“’Cause I like you too.”

The tears did actually fall this time because Hoseok was so taken aback that he couldn’t stop them. He thought he heard wrong. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe the younger way lying.

A million thoughts, all bad, went through his head. No way this is real, it can’t be.

“Hyung, it’s okay. I like you.” Changkyun sounded and looked concern at the tears. He brought his hand up to rub them off of Hoseok’s cheeks but they just kept coming.

Hoseok didn’t know whether he felt relief or something else entirely. All he knew was he couldn’t bring himself to stop crying or remove his arms from around Changkyun.

“It’s going to be okay.” Changkyun leaned forward and kissed the elder on the forehead. “I promise.”

==

Things got a lot less weird between them now that they had both confessed their feelings. No more awkward silences or tension or pains in Hoseok’s chest. Just happiness.

Everyone took the news really well in the group. Jooheon had even congratulated Changkyun on finally doing something about his crush. Seems Jooheon already knew.

Hoseok could not stop smiling, so much so it was starting to creep some of the members out.

“Stop smiling, it’s weird.” Minhyuk said from his spot on the floor next to Hyunwoo. It was movie night and they were all crowded in the living room.

“I can’t.” 

And honestly he couldn’t because of all the seats available Changkyun chose to sit on his lap. The younger’s ass was promptly rubbing Hoseok in a very intimate place.

If the younger felt his slight erection he kept a good poker face about it.

“I like his smile.” Changkyun said and glanced down at Hoseok, the lights playing off his eyes. Hoseok couldn’t breath when looking at him.

“Thank you.”

“It’s still really weird.” Minhyuk said and started the movie, snuggling closer to Hyunwoo. If Hoseok’s senses were right, and they usually are, then those two are gonna be the next couple in the group.

Hoseok can’t wait for the attention to be taken off of them.


End file.
